The ladybird

When most young adults of my age have found the end bit of the reel, undoing it apparently unworried, I myself seem to have been like a wild cat pouncing on a ball of wool and frenetically trying to do what, I don't really know. In fact, I, like the cat, am amusing myself; even if in the last few years I have been facing all sorts of worries trying to make out what this existence is about. Things sometimes have been dreadful, painful but now at this present moment I laugh, tears of joy rolling down my cheeks.
Ten years ago the ball of wool and the cat were both panting of exhaustion. Yes, for the first time I was contemplating to finish with my life. But how could I have practically committed such an act. I remembered that I tried some life saving tactics like reading useful accounts of people facing the same situation but I know I wanted to write. Put down in words something: the flow of my thoughts! Life saving thoughts! It has been successful in many cases. Not for me. I was not ready. I had to wrestle with the ball of wool again. With little strength left, talking to a close one was the solution. I talked. I confined myself. Then, gradually, with heaven always assisting me, I came back to London and carried the fight with the ball. Although very calm internally, funnily enough my emotions and reactions can suddenly change. I am what is called an unpredictable person. I do remember as a child when I used to jump from very high walls and reach the ground with all the force of my agile body
with my feet trying to penetrate further in the concrete runway because straightaway I would run. That is how I feel now, but like a ladybird part of my head flies and every now and again I must be locked in a ward.
Am I trying to chase the ball with my tail instead of my paws? Why? For God knows what reason I am searching for the Truth, the Truth within myself, the union with a spiritual being. Usually this sort of pursuit can overturn the ladybird and when on her back God knows how difficult it is to get back on her feet. But no, I must try. I am aware of some marvellous powers that some believe are inside us, are manipulating us like puppets on strings. Well, I will be careful with my feet on the ground and wings of ladybirds growing and flapping in my head.